In time past, women are taught growing up that sex is degrading and a vicious act to participate in. The several scolds and advice from mothers most especially, creates a psychological boundary for the opposite sex. There are restrictions of talking, standing or even making friends with a guy.
This stereotype with time just like magic is now expected to switch once we become wives, there’s suppose to be a clearer view of sex as a healthy and natural medium of having intimacy, bonding, sharing emotions and feelings that may just not be there.
Due to this upbringing, so many women experience Vaginismus— a physiological condition that makes a woman unable to have sex. These women view sex as bad and degrading and no matter how much they try in marriages, they still feel like they’re doing something wrong while others end up not getting married at all. Maybe, just maybe, their husbands were part of the many guys poured water on. Of course women are not allowed to have boyfriends but are expected to show up with husbands. Make it make sense.
This piece is not a means of applauding immoral activities or refuting the lasting impression of parenting that has paved way in history and time but a conspicuous avenue of seasoning parenting through the input of the following;
1. Clarity in sexual education:
Parenting in this swiftly moving planet could be a difficult adventure. As the several knowledge garnered on the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s way of parenting keeps evolving, thanks to digitalization. The need for sexually educating your teenage daughter on the uniqueness of sex, maintaining a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, abuse and molestation comes in handy most especially in this age where most of their time gets spent on social media. Nothing should be hidden.
2. Listen to your teenage daughter:
There are times when just listening becomes the best thing to do. At this point, they’re not in need of the lectures, scolding or perfect comparison with your neighbor’s child, all they need is for you to just listen and let them lean and cry on you. Your teenage daughter wants to be invested on with your care and love, only then is your opinion heard.
There are times when just listening becomes the best thing to do.”
3. Privacy:
Everyone deserves an hour alone, it doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be accounted for. Barging into her room like she’s a five year old, scrolling through her devices, making mandatory of her movements and scolding at her every actions, are tiny dots you might want to place properly. It’s normal to protect, care and want to have every detail of their whereabout, but how about creating a bond of trust instead.
4. Don’t judge or criticize:
Criticism is one act every female young adult wouldn’t want to get from home. They are already dealing with a lot on social media; body shaming, buzz on low self esteem, boyfriend/relationship rants and insecurity, it is just too many to handle. So if there’s an actual need for a constructive criticism, it should be done in a kind and calm way that portrays love.
5. Take the initiative:
Connecting with your teenage girl should be a priority. Support her, listen to her, speak to her. She should be a friend and trust me she has a lot to say, opinions she wants you to hear. The intense feeling, troubles, difficulty in relationships and friendship you’re struggling to hear from her will all be yours when they are sure of your arms being the safest place they can run to, and that too, not being judged.
6. Build a relationship of trust:
Just as building a relationship takes effort, time and maturity, building a relationship where she hides nothing from you, one that your opinion is held high in her choice of friends, dress, course, hairstyles and even relationships also takes time.
Also just as every parent wants to be the safest place for their daughter, every girl wants a best friend in their parents. They want to be trusted by their parents with the right words “I think it’s a right choice you’ve made. I trust and I’m willing to support you all the way” This all depends on wether you are ready to spicen up this relationship.
Closing Thoughts:
Parenting has long been about guiding children to act the way you want, encouraging and teaching them, but this culture of nurturing could create a deeper bond by sending the powerful message: You are loved, you are good,and you’ll always matter. It sure would create a difference.
Vivi Ukoha 
Nnenna Uchendu